The Adventures of Utoy: The drunken Kindergarten

DISCLAIMER: I'm reposting this from my multiply page since nobody seems to go there anymore. It kinda looks like the first scene on one of Bob Ong's book, but I definitely wrote this one before the book got published - To say the least.

Now where was I? Oh yeah, Utoy woke up one morning with a huge hang-over and definitely puked his entire body weight while his mother prepares breakfast.
Little did he know that he had just began the greatest adventure of his life.
Let's go back first a few hours..
(shimmering... shimmering...)
Scene: Utoy's mother left him alone in the house to go to the local market.
"Hmmmn, ano kaya ang gagawin ko habang wala si nanay?" Utoy said in his tiny little voice while sitting by the porch where his mother left him.
Minutes passed but Utoy is still surprisingly seated, still wondering what to do. Then he saw one of his playmates, Bugoy pass by their front yard. "Bugoy... Bugoy", Utoy beckokned for Bugoy.
"Uy, Utoy! Bakit parang tanghali na eh hindi ka pa rin nanggigitata sa libag?", teased Bugoy.
"Eh, si nanay, umalis. Sabi wag daw ako aalis ng bahay... bantayan ko daw si nene." Bugoy's eyes lightened up. He always had this crush with Utoy's younger sister. He could've made her moves with her if not only for Utoy.
"Ito, kay bata-bata pa ng kapatid ko! Di pa nga nakakapagsalita ng diretso, mamanyakin mo na!" Utoy hit Bugoy in the head when he tried to peep through the door to see Nene lying down the sofa.
"Uy, Bugoy, may tinda sa kabilang Ice Candy. Manlibre ka naman!"
"Teka, may nakita ata akong barya sa may TV. Dun naman lagi nilalagay yung mga sukli sa pinamili nya. Saglit lang." Utoy stood up and slammed the door shut behind him when Bugoy tried to steal another peep of Utoy's younger sister.
Not a minute passed, the door opened and Utoy went back with coins in his hand then gave it to Bugoy.
"Dalawang piso? Isa lang mabibili ko dito." Bugoy scratched his head in disappointment.
"Hatian na lang tayo, yan lang nakita kong barya eh."
The two kid walked to the house next door and knocked.
"Pagbilhaaaaan!" They shouted as they both each used the coins to knock on the door.
"Pagbilhaaaaaan!" They shouted in synch just to make sure their tiny voice will be heard.
"PAGBIL...", then the door opened just before they shouted in full blast!
A fat lady in her "Daster" and rollers in her hair and smoking a cigarette greeted them. It's Aling Bebang. Although they've known her longer than they knew each other, they were still as surprised as one seeing an ogre. Well, everyone in the neighborhood is.
"Ilan?" Aling Bebang asked as she puff her cigarette.
"Isa p-p-p-p-o" both stuttered.
"Isa lang pala, ang ingay-ingay niyo pa!"
Aling Bebang walked back into her house and returned with two popsicles in her hand.
"O, ayan tig-isa na kayo para matahimik lang kayo."
"Salamat po!"
The two kids ran back to Utoy's house, very happy of the double treats they had. When they came to the house, they both looked at the popsicles - it looks funny. It looks a little to pale for an iced tea or coffee flavored popsicle. But as the kids that they are, they wouldn't care any more. So after biting into the plastic casing, they engulfed the whole content.
One more thing. The popsicle tasted funny. Bitter, but not like the ampalaya they both hated much. It's a bit sweet, but not like the tooth-rotting candies they enjoy.
A few moments more, they feel a little dizzy. But they couldn't pin-point what they feel very much - it's something new.
They tried to talk about it but they were interrupted by a scream from not very far.
"SUNOOOOOG!"
"DUN SA PALEEENGKEEEE!"
Then someone from the crowd asked, "Saan?"
"DUN SA PALEEENGKEEE - diretso ka ng konti tapos kakanan dun sa sakayan ng tricycle. yun ang palengke."
Then the same voice who asked answered, "Salamat informative na kapitbahay na maingay."
Utoy froze in horror. Bugoy looked at him. They both ran to the market.
When they get there, Utoy said, "Ang nanay ko baka nasa loob pa."
Bugoy wasn't listening. He is holding his little pee-pee.
"Utoy, pare, naiihi ako." Bugoy said in a funny accent. Like he's very sleepy.
"Ano ka ba, pare? Shabe ko nasha loob yata nanay ko!" Utoy sounded the same.
Utoy tried to walk around and look for his mother amongst the crowd. But his second step missed an angle so he tripped on the concrete.
"Ayan na pala ang bumbero. Ang bilis naman nila!"
He got up and looked for Bugoy.
He saw him pee-ing...
Pee-ing a lot!
In fact, he pee-ed so much that it looked like a fireman's hose.
He couldn't hold down how he feels. You know when you hear water flowing or when someone mentions something about pee-ing and you feel like pee-ing too?
So he dropped his shorts and let his little pee-pee out and pee-ed too...
A lot.
Soon enough the fire went out.
Everyone cheered!
Then Utoy heared a familiar voice somewhere in the crowd by his left.
"Utoy!"
It was his mother. He was relieved - not only because he pee-ed a thousand gallon.
But then his relief was replaced by sheer horror.
"Sira ulo ka talagang bata ka, hindi ba't sinabi ko na wag kang aalis ng bahay?" His mother was steaming with anger as she hurried to go to Utoy.
Bugoy fainted.
So did Utoy.
Well at least, the town is saved...
and smelled like pee for a week and a half...
Thanks to...
Utoy, the Kindergarten Drunkard... and Bugoy of course!